Bipolar or pregnant?

These past two weeks I've been on one heck of a roller coaster ride of emotions. Insomnia + hormones + 39 weeks with child = disaster. I'd like to first say thank you to my husband for loving me and dealing with me through all of my ups and downs-even though he's often the cause. I know it's not his fault that he can't really understand what I'm going through, but I still find myself irritated with his ignorance. I just pray that he can stay strong for a couple more months (I'm pretty sure these hormone surges don't disappear at birth). 

I've reached 39 weeks and I'm beyond ready to meet this son of mine. I've known from the beginning that pregnancy is +/- 40 weeks, but I was really hoping that my pregnancy would be more on the minus side. Don't tease me by telling me that my baby is considered healthy and full term at 37 weeks-that means nothing if my baby doesn't think so until 40+ weeks. I know, I know, I shouldn't rush it, Emerson will come when he's ready, BUT what about when I'm ready?? He's just packing on the lbs at this point, which in turn leads to me adding some unnecessary lbs, which ultimately equals more opportunities for stretch marks. I'm so over this body that I've developed and with each day that passes I dread how much more work it's going to take to get back to close to my pre-baby body. Yes, I'm being selfish, but isn't this the last chance I get to just think about me?

My son will be here very soon (not soon enough) so I should be all smiles, right? Welp, try telling that to my emotions. I've literally cried every day this week. I'm tired and irritable so the tears are always just waiting to spill over. The dumbest things are making me cry-my husband having to work the Friday after the 4th of July = tears. How stupid is that?? Most people work on a Friday. My family enjoying camping at the lake (which would be absolutely miserable for this lard ass) has left me crying a river at least once a day. Peeing 5x a night has equaled tears on multiple occasions. I'm surprised I even have tears left to shed at this point. The straw that sunk my battleship had to be my Dr's visit this week. I woke up with contractions Tuesday morning and after losing my mucus plug last week I was sure I was dilating. I couldn't wait for my Dr appointment. I thought I'd walk in and leave with the news that I must head straight to the hospital because I was already 4cm. I even finished packing up my hospital bag in hopes that I'd need it. Ugh, well the joke was on me because I am still NOT dilated! If that wasn't enough bad news, my Dr told me that he'd let me go to 42 weeks as long as mama and baby were a-okay. WHAT?! That's another three weeks-NO! *insert temper tantrum here* Needless to say Tuesday night was a rough one.

So here I wait...and wait. I'm thankful for my dear friend for taking me to lunch with her beautiful daughter on Tuesday and my lovely sister for distracting me with food and a movie today. These distractions help with the tears. I'm excited for the best distraction of all, my bestie is coming back to Cali this weekend! I can't wait to see her face on Friday! I was really hoping that Emerson would be here to meet his Auntie Birdy, but if I still have to be pregnant at least Casi will provide a wonderful distraction. Maybe being in a good mood will trigger some labor! Let's do the damn thing!